I'm sorry.

I take it back.
I take it all back.

There's no reason for my bitterness. I've always had nothing but love for you and I still do. I saw you there with that other guy and didn't even go over to say hello - not very big of me.

It's just that I was so deeply scarred by you........ I was thrown into a state that I was never really prepared for. No amount of faith and philosophy had prepared me for the possibility of what happened all those months ago. My journal has been filled up with this vile spewing from my heart and mind and manifested itself as curses aimed at you - no need for it.

And so when I saw you with him I froze... I didn't know what to do except ignore your existence.

But I have a different perspective now. I think I have an understanding that I didn't have before that allows me to relax and chill out. I think I'm at peace. Waters no longer choppy, the clouds have spread, and the sun is shining - know what I mean? I was huffin' n puffin' like Tony Sparano, but now I'm calm n cool like Cam Cameron.

If you've been lurking around these parts and have heard my screams, then I'm sorry. Know that this is the one place that I can let go of my rage; the one place I can let the beast free without fear. Though I wish you would have come over and put a hand on my shoulder ... called me to tell me I'd be OK. I know it's not your responsibility to mend me and I'm sure you have your own demons to work with, but it would have been warm of you. Oh well... c'est la vi... water under the bridge.

Again, sorry for my hate... it wasn't real. You know I'll always have an affection for you that I won't have for anyone else... cuz, y'know.... I kinda like ya, y'know. hehe...

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it was nice to finally see some friends again... sucks to be out of the loop. lol... I was sorta mad at them too for not checking up on me. they, more than anyone else, knew how much I was invested. Again, I'm in a different place now and everything seems a bit brighter.

So I spent the weekend at my mom's. I made some cash helping out with the Air Show and got to spend some time with my little bro and sis. Though it was a bit boring at times, and I burnt my face to a healthy lobster red, all in all it was laid back.

My mom, grandma, lorelei, Fer, and me ended up watching Marley and Me last night... it was nice. Dogs are great. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home tonight is to mess around with Cassique.

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I'm telling you man, I've never been so at ease.

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LOL.... crap.... I wanna write, but I'm just so content at the moment that I don't have anything to clear out in my self... there's still questions, but I don't really need them answered right now.

see what I mean... complacency and comfort destroy creativity. lol.... oh well... I need it... I need the rest.

(\ /)
(O_o)
(")(")

It would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. thanks Kelly